It’s a little on the nose.
December 6: Toy Yacht
I suppose it was bound to happen. It’s all mining equipment and skateboards and random nonsense, and then one day it’s a teak-decked center cockpit with exotic sailcloth. The hi-tech sail is presumably to make up for the fact that the mast is too short and way too far aft—I had to check the instructional drawing twice to make sure I hadn’t built it wrong, then still nearly named it “Dismasted Ketch with Jury Rig.” But we’re in a countdown to Christmas, and who am I to question where the center of effort would be on a boat this impossibly askew?
Rating
Fun ★★★★★
It is hopefully unsurprising that I think sailboats are fun. I like that it also comes with a cellular telephone from 1983, like what a cocaine dealer, yuppie stock broker, or other criminal would have used to get a reservation at Dorsia or more cocaine when they were away from their car phone. Just kidding…why would this come with a cellular telephone from 1983? It’s clearly a Realistic HTX-202 2-meter handheld ham radio. Sailors love ham radios. There’s nothing like that feeling when your transceiver crackles to life and someone from dozens of miles away repeats SAY AGAIN KILO NINER BINGO POPTART, THIS IS WHISKEY ZERO HATPIN CLAMBAKE, OVER two hundred times before declaring HEY WALLY, JUST SEND ME AN EMAIL, OK? I’m just kidding…no one likes ham radio. This is clearly a remote control, because this is a toy yacht.
Ease of Build ★★★★☆
It was not difficult to put together. I did have a mild concern that I’d built it wrong, since it’s not exactly proportioned like the usual Bermuda sloop, but I think it’s to spec. I may have the parts to update it later, either by bringing the mast closer to midships and introducing a sail with an aspect ratio greater than 2 or making it a cat ketch.
Comprehensibility ★★★★☆
I am moving forward under the impression that most of these prizes are toys for the Lego people, since they are extraordinarily tiny and have features like remote controls. I’m not not sure if this yacht is actually supposed to be a center cockpit or if that’s just as close as you get to expressing where the cabin would be with two Lego pips worth of doodads, but I’m picturing it as something good and Scandinavian, like a Hallberg-Rassey 40C.
Extra Parts ★★★★☆
This kit came with an extra gray round thing, a white half-round thing, and a black round thing with a stick. These loosely equate to a spare mast step, wedding cake layer, and a mizzen mast.
Overall ★★★★★
I’d sail it.
